Edit
Sorry for using the term 'bitch' but it's what someone called me in the middle of my break down.
I guess i should explain a bit for you guys, and thanks for all the concerns. I can't quite bring myself to comment back on them yet, but they all made me smile for the first time in awhile.

My world's kind of falling apart. Stefan, one of my good friends, talked me a bit through it...as well as Emily, Ardith and Hayley. And all the support from you guys...

it's hard when i try so hard to hold everyone's world up, but mine falls apart around me. It's hard for me to change habits that piss people off or make them openly mock me across the hall, when they don't actually tell me why they're so mad. I know i shouldn't care about how many people get angry at me, but i do. Because i don't generally try to hurt people, and when i do i want to fix things.

But lately i'm figuring out people just are too angry or too bothered, to not want to change their opinions. And that's fine, but please just keep it away from me.

My dad is my hero, the closest thing to one i have. I've been his baby girl since i was born and nothing has ever come between us. He is suffering now, for 3 years straight...in that time his father died, (my grandfather) his work is crumbling, his wife (my mom) is stressed and in pain all the time, his son (my brother) is having a rough time...yet he stands there barely, holding everyone up. And me, the closest thing to him, has noticed he's dwindling because of it. So i took the burden. I deal with the family for him, i take care of mom for him, i look after my brother and be closest to my brother i can so he doesn't need to worry...

and yet, life still throws shit at us. You know my father works for 56 different charities, trying to keep their organizations alive with support from the bingos? He cares for his family no matter what they've done and will never stand down when they need him? I know he's not a saint, but to me...he's the last person on this planet that deserves this.

He has a rare and incurable disease.

He is part of my reason for breaking..the rest is friends and family who all seemed to fall apart on me at once.
and school...

I'm sorry i never told you guys sooner, and i'm happy for all the support i've received on this site. Don't worry, i won't lose you guys. I'll come back i promise, i just need some time. Some time to cry...but some time to rebuild the foundation that has been slowly breaking since the summer time. It was only a matter of time before it broke... i was just hoping i'd last out a little longer.

Thank you guys. those 11 comments have filled this broken heart of mine with joy... and all the support of the ones i know read this, but send their love in a different way.

To clarify, my ex said this "You spend more time on DA and replying to your friends some nights then me, how can internet friends be that important too you?!!"

to cross examine, i never ignored him for anyone but he continues to think i did, so be it.
But this journal alone showed me why i care so much about you guys and why you are all so important too me.
Because it's not just internet to some of us, some of us it connects us with people we would've never met otherwise.

I am grateful to all who i've met here, you guys are amazing. You are just as important to me as real life friends.


It's been brought to my attention i'm a bitch...go figure. i am, no doubt about it.

sorry guys, i'm going through the worst time of my life...my dad's treatment is not working and now i'm stuck between going home and finishing school.

school is hard, and when i turn to people for support i only end up hurting them...thus i'm going away for awhile. commission will be done, i promise...but after that... i don't know...

i just can't take hurting people anymore, or trying to find support from others and only hurting them

to those i hurt, i am sorry.

as funny as it sounds, that flame yesterday actually made me cry...but it was probably just that i was a ticking time bomb ready to go off soon.

my b/f dumped me because i used this thing too much. maybe it's a good thing?

don't worry about me kay? i don't want to bother people anymore. it just makes it worse when i hurt someone by saying something out of turn.

i love you all, i just need to step back for awhile.

Art Commissions are Open!


1 - OCs -Done!!
2 - OCs - sketching
3 - OC - colouring
4 (taken/friend) - Unknown yet - colouring
5 (taken/friend) - Tattoo design - Done!!






Art trades, collabs, and requests (that are not done yet)

Art Trade
1. ~Dagger-Aran-13 drawing her Eiko - 20%(sketched out)
2. ~rinoaneko Ranka lee from Macross Frontier - 10%(rough sketch)
3. *dustbudde her oc's (a surprise shhhh ) - 5%(planning)

Requests

1. ~HacPhung drawing for her Hector from Fire Emblem - 70%(colouring)